A Christmas Moron
by CheezyPortalFan
Summary: Heavily inspired by A Christmas Carol, a classic Christmas movie. WARNING: VERY CHRISTMAS RELATED! If that makes you uncomfortable, this is not the story for you. Rated T for Paranoia. Probably mediocre but you be the judge.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own A Christmas Carol, Portal, or any character in either one.**

* * *

Hello! I am the Story Teller who will be telling you this story!

All of the words that are underlined are the words that I am saying.

Now, before we start, there's a little something you should know. All three Aperture Science facilities have a small hamlet next to or near them. But our main focus isn't on the town. No, far from it.

Our main focus is currently on a man, his name was Wheatley, and he was sitting in his house and talking to his wife.

"Don't worry Wheatley, It'll be okay, we'll pay the bills somehow."

"I know luv, but where will we GET the money?" Wheatley asked.

"Can't you ask your boss for a raise? You're barely being paid peanuts!"

"Mel, I don't think she'll give me one, she might even fire me if I ask."

"But she can't do that! If we don't pay the rent we'll be kicked out!" The man's wife, presumably named Mel replied.

"Dad?" The voice of a seven-year-old called from the stairway, while holding Teddy McTedums.

"Kev, why are you awake? It's way past your bed time." He said, walking over to the stairs.

"I know dad, but I wanted to tell you what I put on my Santa's List!

"Have you mailed it yet? Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and he won't get it in time if you wait."

"I did mail it! And I asked him for a star map!" The boy, presumably named Kev, said as both of them walked to the couch.

"That's great, Kev! You can use it with your telescope if he brings you a map!"

"I know! Then I can find the Big Dipper!"

"Yep, that's true alright. Now, how about you go back upstairs and count some stars to get to sleep?"

"Okay, dad." The boy replied, a bit glumly.

"Hey, why the long face? If you go to sleep, there will only be one more day until Christmas!"

"Yeah, but you won't be here… Will you?" The boy's eyes suddenly filled with hope.

"I will! And we'll stay up late to see the full moon tomorrow night, sound good?"

"Yes! We'll see SPACE! Together!"

"Alright, now go on up to bed."

"Okay!" The boy replied, as he practically threw himself up the stairs.

"Well, that was unexpected." Wheatley said, as he sat back down on the couch next to Mel.

"But cute." Mel replied, as she leaned against his shoulder.

"Well, at least he's asking for something he can get. I've got a star map my dad gave me in the attic."

"That's good, we won't have to worry about him not having a good Christmas."

There was silence for a few moments.

"Any luck with the interview at Dan's?"

"No, there were a lot of people more qualified for the position than me." Mel replied sadly.

"OH! I gotta get going or I won't get to Aperture in time!" Wheat said, as he jumped up, grabbed his keys, and ran for the door.

"Bye!"

"Bye, luv! Be back in a bit!"

* * *

Now, this is the part of the story where we shift the focus onto his boss, walking through the town.

She was of average height and average build, but her skin was rather pale. Her face was pretty, if not beautiful, but her eyes were a yellow you would expect to see on an exotic frog. She wore three-inch high heels that methodically clicked with every step she took, and she wore a white uniform with black stripes down the sides that also had an Aperture Science logo on its back.

As she walked through the town, the people in the houses she passed would close the curtains in their windows to stop her from seeing their Christmas decorations in fear of getting fired.

She hated Christmas.

If she saw ANYONE decorating their houses or workstations with Christmas-y things, she would fire them on the spot.

When she got to her destination, she swiped her security card through a scanner next to an unassuming door, which opened just after she swiped her card.

When she went inside, the receptionist greeted her with a cheerful "Good Evening!" to which she responded to by almost unnoticeably lifting her hand in an extremely small wave.

When she got to Her Office, she sat down in Her Throne. It was actually called the 'Aperture Science Facility and Employee Control and Command Seat With LCD Monitors in Gray', but almost everyone who worked there called it 'Her Throne' because it not only looked like one, but it essentially WAS one.

It was rather late when she got to Her Office, around 9:30 in the evening, and many people had already left.

So it was a small surprise when her 'favorite' employee rushed through the Main Entrance, heading towards Her Office.

When he got to her door, he knocked three times (after arguing with himself as to how many times TO knock) to which she answered, in her usual monotone "Come in." When he stepped inside, he sat down on the chair that was strategically positioned to make the person residing in said chair feel small.

"Why are you here, moron?" He winced slightly when she finished her sentence.

"Well, uhh, ma'am, I wanted to ask, if maaaaaybe, I miiiiight…"

"Stop wasting my time already, and tell me."

"Well... you see, uhm, could-couldihavearaise?"

"What?"

"You know what? Forget it, I'll just be leaving now-AH!" The door slammed shut before he could get to it.

"Sit. Down."

"Yes ma'am." He somehow managed to squeak out through his constricted vocal cords.

"Why, pray tell, are you asking for a raise?" She said this as she steepled her fingers in an almost-cliché evil villain-y-type way.

"Well, m-ma'am, you see, I-I'm going to be evicted from my house if I can't pay the rent in, uhm, three days." He replied, rather squeamishly.

"I see, what is your current salary?"

"It's, uhm, $13,180? I think?"

"Yes, it is. I don't think you should have a problem, considering that amount of... Generous...Ness."

"Whah...? I'm not fat! I'm not even pudgy! An-and we're renting the cheapest shack in town! There's no where to go if we have to leave!"

"No. You may not. If that is all, I believe you should go spend Christmas with your family, before you lose your house." She spat Christmas like it was PURE 24-karat poison.

"But-"

"Leave. Moron." As she said this, the door opened

* * *

Now, we must shift our focus to Wheatley again to continue the story.

When the door opened, the man walked out glumly, thinking about if there was any possible way to get a few hundred dollars in three nights.

As he pulled his car into the driveway, he just sat there for a moment, trying to figure out exactly how to tell Mel that they were going to be kicked out of their home in three days.

When he finally got out of the car, he went inside to find Mel still sitting on the couch in the living room.

"How did it go?" She asked him, quite energetically.

"She said no." He replied sadly. Making his way over to the couch.

"Oh. Well, it'll be okay, we can sell some things to be able to afford it."

"Sell them to who? The only pawn shop is half an hour away."

"Then we'll drive there… We can sell the TV, we don't have cable for it anyway."

"Maybe, but I don't think we have enough stuff we can sell. And anyway, even if we can pay it this month, what about next month?"

"Maybe I'll find a job by then."

"Maybe…"

* * *

And now, in order to keep a steady line of plot confusage, we will once again shift our focus to Wheatley's boss.

She sat in her chair, working on a new set of test chambers. While talking to herself about what she'll do tomorrow. 

"Tomorrow, I'll visit them again. Maybe I'll bring some flowers." She mumbled, telling the system to build Test Chamber 198.  


"Maybe I can bring them back to life... The Core Project has been progressing rather nicely..."

"Who knows? Maybe they'll hate me for it if I do. Trapped in a computer forever..." Now she was staring off into space.

"Maybe they'll give me a present..." If anyone were in the room with her, they would have admitted her to a mental institution for the raw aura of insane she was giving off at that point.

Then she had a flashback to when she was ten.

She was running down the stairs towards the living room as fast as she could.

"Hey mom! Hey dad! Guess what!"

"What?" Her mother and father answered simultaneously, from their respective seats on the couch in front of the fireplace.  


"I had the best idea EVER! Can we please go to the mall?"

"Why?" Her dad asked.  


"'Cause I know what to get you two for Christmas!"

"Sure, go get your shoes on and we'll get in the car." Her mother answered, starting to get up while reaching for her purse.

"Okay!"

It took them about five minutes to get to the mall, which had so many lights it could be seen from the next town over. The three were silent as they got out of the car and started walking towards the entrance.

"Can we go to the electronics store first?" She asked her parents.

"Sure, kiddo." Her dad told her.

As they walked through the mall, they passed by a HUGE tree that some workers were setting up, and they marveled over its glory.

"That sure is a big tree, isn't it dad? Does your company make trees that big?" She didn't notice the tree was starting to tilt.

"No kiddo, but I bet I could get the lab boys to make some sorta fertilizer to get a tree to grow even bigger than-"  


"GET OUTTA THE WAY!" A worker interrupted him, because the tree was falling towards them.

Her dad picked her up and threw her about eight feet away, shortly after which, the tree fell on them, crushing them.

"DAD! MOM!" She tried to get up and run, but a man held her back, telling her not to look.

"LET GO OF ME!" She screamed and thrashed around, to no avail.

She screamed and cried until the police came and took her to an orphanage. 

Throughout the whole thing, all she could think was that she hated Christmas, and the people setting up the tree, how she hated EVERYONE and that she would never ever celebrate Christmas ever again, and she would make sure NO ONE could have a happy time on the wretched day.

That day, the curious, energetic young girl was warped into a cliche almost-evil genius who hated the world and its cruelty.

She lived in a lonely orphanage for the next eight years of her life until she was old enough to be legally classified as a legal adult. She had made no friends since her parents died and was mean to everyone for a reason no one but her would ever know.

* * *

**A./N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**If you have gotten this far, congratulations on completing the first chapter of this story! I hope you have enjoyed so far.**

**Yes, the Story Teller is totally unnecessary, and probably a little bit crazy. But hey, I tried being normal for a while and I didn't like it.**

**If you can't tell by both the description, the style of story, and the title, then you are BLIND! (Just kidding) this is HEAVILY inspired by A Christmas Carol.**

**My character list for this story:**

**Wheatley – Wheatley Jonathon Morrison, Programmer at Aperture Science. He is twenty-nine years old. The adorkable Wheatley we all know and love, Computers are his passion, and he would walk to the end of the Earth for his family.**

**Mel (An unused character from Portal 2) – Mel Abigail Morrison, Wheatley's wife. she is twenty-nine years old, she is nice but stern, and you do NOT want to be on the receiving end of her Death Glares.**

**Space Core – Kevin James Morrison, Wheatley's son, he is seven years old, loves space, and adores his parents.**

**GLaDOS – Gladys Olivia Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science, daughter of both Cave Johnson and Caroline Johnson. She hates Christmas, is the GLaDOS we all know and love, and is just a tad bit insane.**

**Cave Johnson – Former CEO of Aperture Science, Gladys's father. He is dead.**

**Caroline – Caroline Johnson, Secretary, Gladys's mother. She is dead.**

**Chell – [REDACTED]**

**Adventure Sphere – [REDACTED]**

**Fact Sphere – [REDACTED]**

**All of the [REDACTED]s will be revealed during a later chapter. (Ghosts, hint hint)**

**TL;DR: I am crazy, in the Christmas Spirit, and addicted to Portal.**

**Thanks for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

The day Gladys lost her parents, she embraced science, unconsciously believing that it would never leave her. So she became one of, if not the, smartest people in the country. But that didn't stop her from being one of the most miserable people in the country.

Enough of that, we must get back to the story. You know, the one you're reading this for? The one I'm supposed to be telling you? Yeah, that one! Let's get back to that.

* * *

After Gladys had finished up her late night work, she started walking home again. She didn't have to walk very far, no, the town itself was only a few miles wide. But she didn't notice that all of the blinds and curtains in the houses' windows were still closed, waiting for her to go by.

When she got to her house, she didn't even have to unlock the door because her door locks check the faces of the individuals, keys are for practical people. But you don't need to know what lock her door has, no that would make this story too long, you need to know what she did _in_ the house.

Well, the first thing she did was walk upstairs into her bedroom and change into one of her new suits from her identical wardrobe. As she was walking to her bed, a spirit appeared.

"Hello." The spirit said to her, looking her directly into her eyes.  


"Okay, whoever's pulling this prank, you can turn off the projector now." See, Gladys did not believe spirits existed, or souls for that matter, so she thought this was just an expensive practical joke. Even though it was not.

"Oh this is no prank, I assure you." To this, Gladys rolled her eyes and looked like she was going to say 'Like I'd believe a projection', but she did not. "I have come to tell you: You will be visited by four spirits tonigh-oh, that list includes me, hmm, not very helpful... Okay, forget I said that, I'll start again."

"Don't bother, I'm not going to listen to anything you have to say either way." She waved her hand at the wall and a chair folded out of it. Which she sat in.

"Oh! Your walls can do that? Can I have one two? No no, forget it, I'm getting sidetracked." Just to mess with him, she waved her hand again and another chair folded out of the wall for him.  


"Oh, thank you." He said this as he sat in the chair. "Now, I've come here to tell you: Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts of Christmas, and you must listen to them intently if you do not want to just become a footnote in the grand scheme of things." The spirit looked very pleased with himself. "There, I said it! Wait, almost forgot, goodbye!" At this, the spirit disappeared and she told the wall to fold back in.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Someone's getting fired tomorrow, I just need to figure out who." Is what she said as she got into her bed, looking very displeased.

She didn't sleep very soundly, tossing and turning all night, don't you hate it when that happens? You just get disturbed by something and even your subconscious is thinking about it as you sleep. So very uncomfortable. Well, the story must continue, no matter what interesting thing we must interrupt. Onwards!

When Gladys woke up, she did what she always does when she wakes up, she checked her Aperture Science Multipurpose Time Keeper hanging on her wall. What it said surprised her.

**"Good morning Gladys, Johnson, you have slept for 28 Hours, 17 Minutes, 49 Seconds. We hope you enjoy your day."**  


"...That can't be right..." She said as she got up and faced the door.

"Fact: It is." Said the spirit everyone predicted that had just appeared behind her.

"Again? Okay, whoever you are, you are now going to test the new Adhesion Gel" She said as her face burned with intense fury and hatred, if any normal person saw the Ultimate Death Glare that she was making, they would have cowered and whimpered like a little dog who just disappointed their master. The spirit did not.

"Fact: This is not a prank. The Spirit you see before is known as the Ghost of Christmas Past." The spirit said, with a perfect calm on his face.

"Yeah, right. And my name is-" She was suddenly cut off by nine-year-old sounding squeals of joy coming from downstairs.

"Fact: The spirit you see before you is responsible for the happenings downstairs. Shall we go?" The spirit said, with an air of superiority.  


"..." She was speechless for once in her life as they emerged from the stairway.

"Daddy, Mommy! Look what santa brought me!"

"Yup, you gonna test that bike outside, or what?"

"Not yet! I haven't finished unwrapping my gifts! And you haven't unwrapped the ones I gave you, either!"

"Okay, kiddo, me and Caroline will open our presents now." Then the sound of wrapping paper ripping filled the room.

"See Mom, see Dad? I got you guys pictures! I saved up my allowance to get them, do you like them?" The little nine-year-old asked her parents, holding pictures of them with 'Best Dad/Mom Ever' written on the bottom, with a happiness in her eyes that would more suit a puppy given a giant slab of bacon. That is the level of happiness we are talking about here.

"We love them, sweetie. Here is your present from us." Her mom said, as she handed the little girl a box that rattled when shanken.

She gasped as she tore the paper open. "A science kit? THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" The girl screeched, as she pounced onto her parents, enveloping them in a gigantic hug.

Then all of the decorations, the people, and the presents faded away as an almost empty room was left almost empty.

"Why did you show me that?" Gladys asked the spirit, with sadness written all over her face.  


"Fact: The Ghost of Christmas Past showed Gladys what she used to be like during Christmas." The spirit said with sadness in his voice, though that was the only clue as to how he was truly feeling.

And then the spirit faded away, leaving Gladys sitting on her couch trying not to cry.

* * *

**A./N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**DISCLAIMER: Is anyone still reading this? Hello?**

**I'm not exactly sure how long this story will be. But it probably won't be any more than ten thousand words.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING! The following contains a horribly, horribly OOC Rick because I suck at writing the Adventure Sphere's personality. I won't deny it, and I'm stating it here and now to prevent bashing from Rick's fans.**

**The following has been rated T for Terrible.**

* * *

The poor woman sat on her couch for quiet a while, trying to figure out how to stop such an elaborate trick.

But then, when she least expected it, a new spirit appeared right behind her.

"Hey." The spirit's gruff voice sounded depressed.

"What do you want." Gladys said, more stating her disapproval of the situation than caring to ask.

"See? This is what I told those other guys, I clearly said 'She won't listen to you' 'She won't care' blahdey blahdey blah. And did they care? Hell no! That's why I'm stuck here, talking to you, the person who has ruined everyone in a 50 mile radius' Christmas, and my life!" The depressed spirit said, clearly sad that she had ruined the only thing in HIS jurisdiction, and his job.

"What is your stupid spirit name and why are you here." Gladys declared flatly, very displeased.

"My NAME is The Ghost Of Christmas Present, and I'm at this godforsaken PLACE because I have to show you what the hell you've been doing to everyone else's lives during your self pity fest." The spirit said, sounding bored and still very depressed.

Gladys chuckled "Oh, I KNOW what effect I've had on everyone else, I just don't CARE. I LOVE their suffering." She said sweetly, sending chills down the spirit's back.

Suddenly, they seemed to be in Morrison's house.

The place was nice and cozy, even though it was quite small, and the Mel made sure to keep it in good shape, even though they were going to be evicted in two days.

It was around 7:00 A.M. and Morrison was talking to Kevin while he was scrubbing dishes.  


"Dad, why isn't Ms. Johnson nice? Everyone seems to respect her." The boy asked Morrison.

"I don't know Kev, maybe it's not enough, to be respected, maybe she needs, a-a friend." Morrison told the boy.

"Why aren't you her friend? If all she needs is a friend, you could help her!" The boy stated proudly, happy he had worked out a solution to the problem.

"I... I tried being her friend, once, but it was very hard, and she was very mean." Morrison told the boy sadly.

"Hmm... How about I be her friend? I think I can do it, it shouldn't be very hard for me, dad."

Morrison chuckled a bit "Yeah, you do make friends easily, but, I don't think she wants a friend, right now." Morrison told the boy.

Then the scenery faded back to Gladys's house.

"See? You're cruel to everyone around you, and they _still want_ to be your friend! Even that boy wanted to help you for god's sake!" The spirit told Gladys, who was looking bored.

"Are you done yet? I think I've filled my lifetime quota of _caring_." She said.

The spirit sighed "Well, I guess I'm done here, then, I'll go inform... _Her_... That she needs to come visit you." The spirit said, shortly before disappearing.

Almost as soon as the spirit left, a new spirit appeared. A spirit wearing a totally black cloak with her arms folded in a disapproving manner.  


She was not amused.  
  
"Oh goodie, another ghostly being has come to bore me and waste my time, I wonder what this one will say." Gladys said sarcastically.

The spirit stayed quiet, clearly not amused.

"What? You aren't going to warn me of my impending doom? Try to guilt trip me into being happy?" Gladys taunted.

The spirit's frown deepened, but she stayed quiet as the scenery changed to an almost pitch black grave yard and she raised her right arm to point at a nearby grave.

Gladys slowly walked over to the grave, wondering exactly what the spirit was trying to show her.

When she came to the grave, it was totally black and she couldn't see what was written on it.

"What exactly are you trying to show me? A pitch black grave? Why would I even care about-" Suddenly, pineapples appeared around the grave and a loud thunk rang out as a spotlight shone on the grave.

The grave read:

_Gladys Olivia Johnson_

_1974-2015_

_CEO of Aperture Science_

_Last living relatives: None_

_R.I.P_

* * *

**A./N.**

**If you haven't noticed, Story Teller called Wheatley Morrison, why? Because that's what Gladys calls him.**

**RAWR!**


	4. Chapter 4

**WHAM** And that's it! Closed the book, you don't want to hear anymore of that story, how about another one, then? About the-

What?

Really?

Are you sure?

I really don't like this part, and you probably won't either, it sounds too cheezy. (A bit like the author.)

No! I don't want to continue the story!

Ugggh, FINE. But I'm never telling it again. Happy?

Good.

Onwards, then!

* * *

**A./N.**

**This was an extremely brief intermission because I was not only bored, but am currently in the process of writing the final chapter(s). Stay tuned!**

**That sounded really, really cheezy, didn't it?**


End file.
